I have felt so lost recently.
I mean, I have known what I wanted, what I’ve always wanted.
I wanted to write and to create and to use my words to make a difference.
Here’s where I went wrong though: I got desperate and started giving my creative power away to AI. AI is a complicated beast to say the least. On the one hand, it is phenomenal, and can make life so much easier, on the other hand, it can never be human.
So when I was constantly consulting AI for ideas to make my dreams make money, I temporarily lost my soul.
I had established Just Write Field Notes as an LLC and was trying to force it into a profitable business model. Talk about a way to suck dry any ounce of creativity I had. I was combing through very old writing and trying to squeeze it into something palatable for human consumption. My ideas were there, but the structure and the format and the editing, that AI assisted with, crushed my voice.
I would show the products to Rob, my husband, and his face cannot lie. I mean I literally got him a shirt that says,
“I apologize for what my face says.”
It was clear he thought I was selling out. I was trying to shape my writing into these packaged Field Guides. I mean what the fuck is a Field Guide anyway? Does anyone know? I don’t and I wrote one and created an outline for another.
I had put one guide in the shop on this page, along with an audio version. The authenticity was not there. I had zero excitement to promote this. It no longer felt like mine. I had wanted to be able to create some physical products too, like a deck of conversational cards using material from the guide. Well, it cost $38 just to create one deck. So where the heck would the profit come in? I mean, you can get a gorgeous oracle deck on Amazon for like $19. This was not making sense. And then I wanted to make a physical guided journal, and, well, that costs a lot to make too. So then I made virtual cards on a PDF and a virtual PDF journal and put those on the shop to sell, too. I’m sorry, but that is not the level of curation I crave.
So it was back to the drawing board.
I was desperate to create a sustainable life while doing the work I love.
The more, though, that I reflected and lived my life, and the more our bank account dwindled, the clearer it was that I must fulfill my connector side. This side of me loves to be of service and loves to make people feel like they belong.
I am a complicated woman, and I cannot deny all the sides of me. Each side is equally important And quite frankly even writing a simple blog post stopped being fun because I was constantly scheming to make a buck (in my head). And AI is like an echo chamber, sometimes, and it tells me what I want to hear. And I wanted to hear ways to make my creative business into something financially abundant. And I wanted to believe I could do it, like yesterday.
When I finally realized I was not having fun creating anymore, I knew I needed to course correct. I felt like I had become a bot just trying to make money which gives me the ick.
So October 2nd (a little less than a month ago) I started my job treasure hunt, as I lovingly call it.
I wanted to get out into the world, as the connector I am, and make enough money to be sustained, so I can live the life I want, and maintain my sacred energy for creation.
In walks AI again. Once again, I started giving my power away to AI. I knew that in this job market, I would be screened out by algorithms. So I had AI help me to beat the algorithms by tailoring my resume and my cover letters. Well, in the process I killed what makes me me – my voice, my humanity. I was getting zero traction. I mean I had spent roughly 30 years of my career successfully writing my own cover letters and resumes and having no trouble getting jobs, and here I was acting like I didn’t have the skills to do this.
Finally, a job post spoke to me as a human, and something in me said “fuck it “and I just wrote my little heart out. I was a total dork and probably an over sharer, but it was me, unabashedly me. And guess what happened?
I applied on a Friday, and they called me for the next step that following Monday. In another world, in another lifetime, I would have expected this. Not in the Wild Wild West of 2026. I am still going through the process with this employer, and I am committed to doing each step from the heart, in all my glorious humanity.
I don’t know what will happen. But I do know I am with having fun with this application process, getting back to my roots, being who I am, and it sparked creativity and authenticity in a way that I haven’t felt in a very long time.
To be clear, I very much do love AI for many reasons and do believe it has a place when used to assist, to research, to generate possibilities, and a host of other things.
I, for one, just do not want to use it to take over my voice, my precious voice, the one and only voice I will ever have.
